"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
