I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
