i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
