she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
