Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
