theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
