dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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