I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
