I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
3pm strippers are depressing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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