I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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