i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
