Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
