And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
