You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
