Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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