Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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