He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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