I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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