he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
