i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
