I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
