weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hippo gnu deer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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