She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
