Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
