your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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