Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
