Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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