you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!