Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

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  (352): So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field http://tfl.nu/5are
  Replies (16) Good night (2714) Bad night (713)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

  (903): View more from Texas

  wow. i have no words.

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  (979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door. (903): wow. i have no words. http://tfl.nu/bjsv
  Replies (29) Good night (5916) Bad night (1118)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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  (315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7
  Replies (15) Good night (5271) Bad night (1306)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1944) Bad night (8985)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world

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  (503): I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world http://tfl.nu/o1nx
  Replies (2) Good night (1031) Bad night (3201)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

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  (978): I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them. http://tfl.nu/nsss
  Replies (8) Good night (1731) Bad night (652)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN

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  (715): just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN http://tfl.nu/9tva
  Replies (24) Good night (2188) Bad night (607)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

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  (413): FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/mpp4
  Replies (8) Good night (1246) Bad night (803)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.

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  (214): Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done. http://tfl.nu/4t9f
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (590)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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  (774): I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus http://tfl.nu/kps3
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (841)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.

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  (405): I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point. http://tfl.nu/fmbd
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (497)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Oh and I'm kind of in the library.

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.

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  (757): Oh and I'm kind of in the library. (757): Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move. http://tfl.nu/r83r
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (430)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger

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  (980): But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/iewj
  Replies (1) Good night (668) Bad night (316)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night

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  (248): I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night http://tfl.nu/poxt
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (311)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!

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  (518): I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100! http://tfl.nu/g89y
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (198)

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