I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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