So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
