this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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