farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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