All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
