Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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