So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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