All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
