I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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