i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
