The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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