Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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