I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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