Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
