I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
