Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
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you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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