her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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