so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
