You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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