Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We left the knife in your bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
