the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
