I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
