so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
