anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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