i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
