my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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