Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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