that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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