I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
