Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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