all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
