I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
