I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Even my vagina gasped.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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