How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
