My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
