I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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