They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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