hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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