i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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