Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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