yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
