is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
