Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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