Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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