I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
