You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We are two peas in an std pod
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
