dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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