Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
