So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
handjob tips. give me some.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
