I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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