I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
